I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
