I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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