I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
