why didn't you poke me back
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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