I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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