there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
