i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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