he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
