I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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