dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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