Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize