So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
