..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
