your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize