eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
