Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
