Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
