According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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