my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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