Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
