I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
