I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
