no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
