chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
