after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
