filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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