You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
