i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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