Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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