Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
