Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have tasted many bathrooms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
