dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
