Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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