I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
