What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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