Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
third nipple confirmed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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