Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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