1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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