so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
