$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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