just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
