No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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