You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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