Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize