Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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