Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
