you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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