sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
