when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
