I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
