Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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