last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
