If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
