i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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