his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
