I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
