I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
