I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
