I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
