we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
