We need to rekindle our bromance
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
