This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
