Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
someone owes me an orgasm
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
