I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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