Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
