i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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