is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
