are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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